Wednesday, August 26, 2009

August 26, 2009

I don't know what to say right now. Shannon and I are very scared and don't know what the future holds. We try to stay as strong as we can yet we find ourselves falling down every now and then. We try so hard to stay as positive as we can in hopes that our positivity will keep our little man strong and hopefully it will. We feel absolutely powerless and helpless in a situation that is in someone else's hands. I can't even begin to tell you how much we love this little man and how much we want to bring him home. I try to stay strong, but I have my low points just like anyone does. I have to be honest. Every time I hear new news about Gabe and some new issue that arises, my hopes of Gabe living a quote normal life without issues begin to dwindle. Sometimes our hearts just ache with the thought that we may never get to bring Gabe home at all and that hurts your heart and soul beyond belief. I am not trying to bring you down or be pessimistic, these are just the feelings that are very real for Shannon and I. The night and exhaustion have a way of bringing you down at the end of a long day. However, I know that tomorrow is a new day and Shannon and I will wake up and put on our super suits and join Gabe in battle for another day. Ok. Let's talk about Gabe and how he is doing.

Gabe's day was pretty uneventful, the doctors just let Gabe have a day of rest without changing too much. The pain medicine team came down and suggested an increase in his morphine drip rate which will hopefully help him out. I did get to talk to the pathology team who said that they did NOT see cancerous type tumors on his liver, which is GREAT news. However, they are still unsure of what they truly are. They have speculated a couple of different things, but we will not discuss them until we are absolutely sure. We have found that we can speculate all day long and in the end all it causes is unnecessary worry. So we will wait for the final word before we tell you all. Gabe will be going down to get an MRI on Friday to take a look at his brain and abdomen. The doctors want to see how his brain is functioning and see if there has been any damage from everything that has been going on. They also want to take a closer look at his abdomen and most importantly look at the liver. We are praying that with the new information we can put a plan together to get Gabe healthy and home. Please continue to pray for our little Super G! Here are a few picture and video until tomorrow. Thank you for all the continued love and support, it means the world to our family.


dollyponcato said...

Stay strong Shannon and Jesse. You two have been through so much and have been so strong for both Gabriel and Kayla. We love you guys all so much and we pray every single day for Gabriel and you all as a family. We want you to know that you are ALL always in our thoughts and prayers. We love you guys! Molly, Matt, Samuel and Joseph <3

Robin said...

Dear Jesse and Shannon,
Do not beat yourselves up when you are overwhelmed with the reality and gravity of this. You are going through the most emotionally difficult time of your lives, and often we try too hard to hold onto that brave face. By sharing with us your concerns and fears, we are able to support you better. We on the 'outside' are the least of your concerns!

The only way to push through to the other side of the fear, is to accept that it is real. That means we have to feel it in all it's horrors. Then we can say, "I know what this is." We only do ourselves damage when we hold that at bay too long--especially if we are trying to be brave for those around us. You need that quiet time to regroup and reach out. Let the darkness wash over you and away... and let the light of your own hopeful, optimistic and loving life force bring you back to the blessings of small successes and love. It is a minute by minute, day by day mantra.
You are both stronger than you think and I am so proud to know you.


g.kling said...

Robin expressed our feeling better than I am able to...we love you!
Gary & Sara